Ahh Venting!!

Around February-ish I drew this portrait for someone, that I adore listening to on the radio while I'm working on my sketches late at night... This person who I'm leaving nameless is awesome! I really don't know what else to say, but that! So, in this drawing I did a realistic portrait of him and in the background different elements of his life. I was pretty pleased with how it came out. With anything I draw I always try and send that person a nice copy of the work through myspace/facebook/e-mail/mail...etc... I enjoy doing this because it's a great gift to give to someone who least expects it and I'm a nice person! haha. So, I sent him a message via myspace, and didn't get a reply back... I thought well, okay maybe I just sent it to the wrong person or something (You know the list of maybes) Then I sent it via comment saying something like " Oh I hope you don't think I'm not some crazy person, I just want to make sure you got it"... nothing. So months later, I just decided just to tag him... Nothing again. So here's where the anxiety comes in. What if he thinks this, what if my art is shity... Blah, Blah, Blah...... I have triable anxiety when it comes my art! It's not the process of creating that gives me stomach aches, it's just the end result--what people will think of it, or me. This is something I need to work on. Don (Philosophy teacher) said something that's close to this perfectly in class the other day... when we were discussing the Tao... He said, "The Tao says that only in play (my art) do we experience the yielding of unnecessary suffering (anxiety) When we aren't in play we allow unnecessary suffering (anxiety) to come attack the shit out of us. (Like that part?) So, what it all means is that when I'm working on my art and I'm in that process of complete blankness... only focusing on what is coming out of the tip of my pen to the paper-- I am yielding from my own criticism. When I'm not in play I criticize myself and become my own worst enemy.. Lao-tzu said something like we must go with the flow of things and not let anxiety control our lives, he said to think of ones self as bamboo. Bamboo yields to the wind storm (stands to natures worst by bending with the strong winds) Unlike the oak, which is stiff and doesn't gracefully bend at all. So, for now on if I want to better myself and my art when ever I come across these situations I'm just going to shut my mouth and except that he or she received it and that is that. Why do I need a thank you to feel like I did a good job. I should just be happy to have a chance to give it to that person and be happy with how it came out. What good is it for me to feel like shit, when I really don't need to feel like shit. If that makes sense.

ahh, that feels better. haha.